matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
