I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
