Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
