Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize