Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
