i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
