it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
