my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
