I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
