Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize