Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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