hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize