That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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