You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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