The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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