SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
