Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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