If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
