Soap is not a condiment
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
