I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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