I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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