You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You're earring is so big in my mouth
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
