There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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