You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
