I look better un-naked...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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