Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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