btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
