Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This baby is an asshole
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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