Porn is love you can see.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
