a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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