i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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