how can u be prego again
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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