Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
