my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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