I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
