Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
