sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
