I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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