I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize