she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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