She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my poor anus
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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