i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
