Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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