You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
