just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
