Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
