You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
