Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
