I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
