I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
