Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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