yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
