I want to make a zoo with you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
