I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
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