Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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