Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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