I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
