at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
