My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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