We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
