You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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