And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
