Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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