Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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