Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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