Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
