i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
