i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
