STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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