Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
