Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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