She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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