I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
