If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
