When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
