Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize