I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
