Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
