I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
