I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
