I look better un-naked...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
