I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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