tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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